Better Bank Robber Name

1 02 2012

In my paper a few days ago (yes, I still read the newspaper) was an article about the Puffy Coat Bandit who has stolen $43,000 from six banks. That got me thinking about bank robber names and how they are chosen.

Come to find out, bank robber names are chosen by the FBI. They try to pick a name that will be memorable and will describe something about the bank robber that will stick in the public’s mind and maybe even help catch the guy or gal doing the robbing. Some recent bank robber names I found include the Geezer Bandit, the Ho Hum Bandit, the Go Green Bandit (He used a bicycle to leave the scene), the Miss Piggy Bandit (she weighed 265 pounds), the Time Bandit (he made victims count to 300), Tom Thumb Bandit (He had a bandage on his thumb), and the Shaggy Bandit (he had a goatee like the character in Scooby Doo).

Can you imagine getting up the gumption to rob a bank and then discovering that you have been nicknamed the Geezer Bandit or Miss Piggy?

So I have created this checklist of things to think about before you rob a bank:

1. Check your wardrobe carefully to make sure you are not wearing anything that could generate an unattractive nickname. Make sure everything is clean, neat, does not need repairs, and fits well. You don’t want to be known as the Holey Tennis Shoe Bandit, do you?

2. Make sure your Botox is up to date and maybe even fit in a little mini face lift before you go robbing. You don’t want to be known as the Old Lady Bandit!

3. This almost goes without saying, but lose the weight! If you are over weight, your nickname WILL reference your size. Guaranteed!

3. Leave those little personality quirks at home! The Ho Hum Bandit was named for his lethargic attitude. So keep your movements crisp and concise, suppress those ticks, and maybe even take an allergy tablet before you leave the house. You certainly don’t want to be known as the Sniffing Bandit.

4. Speaking of sniffing, avoid robbing backs while you are sick! God forbid you become known as the Runny Nose Bandit, the Coughing Bandit, or the Stuffed Up Bandit.




5 responses

8 02 2012
S. Kay Murphy

Kim, I’ve been busy at work, with (sadly) no time to read your blog. Just started getting caught up today–and, oh my buddha, I love this post about bank robber nicknames. Dang. I know I’d be the “Silver Haired Bandit”! Thanks for making my lunchtime a bit lighter with laughter.

8 02 2012
Woman in the Middle

I completely understand! So sorry that you have been so busy (but then that is why they call it “work” and not “fun”) but ypou did cause my hits number to pop up higher than it has been for the last few days so that made my heart sing! I was beginning to think I had irritated someone!

I am glad you liked the bank robber post. I had fun with that one!

7 02 2012
Stuff I Can't Post

I totally want the nickname robbers job!!! it’s the one job you could probably do even better after no sleep and/or a glass of wine.

1 02 2012

I’m picturing a black male in his early twenties wearing a large, white, puffy jacket (to hide his stash of cash) during the hottest part of the day.

1 02 2012

Ugh…another industry ruined by our obsession with outward appearances. I remember the good old days when bank robbers weren’t seen as objects. I blame the media!

BTW I think nicknaming robbers would be the best job ever. You’d show up to work and there would be a stack of photos and artists sketches and you’d get to naming them…who says there aren’t any jobs out there for creative writer types?

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